Early morning

This is me and James being .... I dont really know I just think James' expression is priceless


James and I... I just think this is a good picture

It is early in the morning and I am supposed to be getting ready for a doctor's appointment.... but it can wait. I went to a concert last night but missed the main band (311, who I don't really like) because I got really bummed out (hey what's new?). Before I get to the bummed out part I have to explain about the concert. I went with my "friend" Jess, who couldn't find anyone else to go so she called me. I guess we were both users in the situation because she needed someone to go with and I was her last resort and I didn't really want to go with her or see a band I didn't like, I just needed someway to get out of the house so I could stop complaining about never doing anything. So I go and she gets tickets in the suite (per some guy she works with and for those of you with a dirty mind she doesn't sleep with him for them), The suite is normally empty save for her and her company. Tonight one of the sons of one of the lawyers who owns the suite was there and he brought a whole load of his drunk frat boy friends.... yah.... So needless to say they were all like hey you want some alcohol (so you can slip a roofie... no thanks) ? I just immediately used my "I'm pregnant card" and they were no longer interested in talking to me, but I did worry for Jess. But, at least while I was around, she wasn't going to take anything from them. People were smoking pot (Good Job Security! What did you check my bag for?) it was a bad scene and if I wasn't above it in the suite then I would have left a lot sooner.

So now for the bummed out part, James was supposed to go to the concert with me(we never do anything), and he had to work late so he was going to meet us up there. When I called to ask where he was, he was at home and he was about to eat dinner with my parents. I asked when he was going to come and he said he wasn't he didn't feel like it... Okay I said if you are too tired and just want to stay home then that's fine I totally understand that... but that's not what he did. He told me he didn't feel like going out so later on that night I call him and he went out with his friends to play beer pong (which he plays every Thursday). I thought that I would scream or cry or something, so to keep from embarrassing myself in public I left the stadium and went home.

Surprising myself I didn't cry... I was just pissed off. How could my boyfriend slap me in the face like that... too tired to see me, but not tired enough to go play some stupid drinking game at some stupid bar with his stupid friends (I like the word stupid...). I decided I was not going to go to sleep because when he got home I was going to really let him have it... but then I started to watch TV and started to get less mad and as it got later and later into the early morning I wasn't mad anymore I was worried. Worried that something happened to him, and more worried about why he had to go out tonight and couldn't come see me. Who was he going to see? Why was it so important to be at that place that time? Why was he out so late every Thursday? And the most important question was, Who is she?

When he got home I asked him all of those questions and he couldn't believe that I asked them. He said he would never do anything like that to me, and he couldn't believe that I would think he would. But what am I supposed to think, he used to always choose me over stupid things like beer pong, and now he doesn't? When I said that he used the old "We live together I see you all the time and I only see my friends one night a week" That pissed me off. I told him that he could have gone out Friday or Saturday, I wanted him to be with me for once... to pick me over himself. James is not a selfish guy, I don't mean to make it sound that way... but if he wants to do something then he is going to do it and it doesn't matter if that means leaving me at home crying all night. I told him that... he didn't say much. I told him I felt like I was doing this whole pregnancy thing without him. He hasn't been there much to support me, I never know how he feels about anything, he never wants to talk to me (typical guy I know), and when I really want him to be there (though I never tell him, I want him to do what he wants to) he isn't. We worked it out after a long conversation and I realized that jumping to conclusions and not telling him when I want him to be there wasn't going to work, so I am going to have to be more assertive, and he needs to talk to me more and listen more.... wow we are just like Brady Bunch, we have a moral to the story. Ok this blog is way too long and I really need to get ready... oooo I want pancakes.