Recently, I have been thinking about how much men and women are polar opposites. I wonder how anyone makes a successful relationship when the differences between the two sexes are so extreme. Using the word "make" was completely intentional, a loving relationship does not just happen. You have to work really hard and sometimes things that are of upmost importance to you HAVE to be compromised. Like, I am very much a girl when it comes to emotions. Highly sensitive and very intune, whereas James is very much a guy... just the opposite. Here is an example of a typical conversation between the both of us:
Me: How was your day?
James: Not so good.
Me: What happend?
James: Nothing...
Me: Well something must have happend to make it a bad day.
James: I just had a bad day why do you have to question everything?!?
Me: I am just trying to talk to you.
James: I just really hate this guy at work, he is an ass.
Me: I'm sorry. What did he do to you?
James: He is just a douche...
Me: Why?
James: OMG HE JUST IS...WHY ARE YOU INTERROGATING ME?
Me: *sobs*
James: *sighs*
Ok. So here you see the female in me prying for hows and whys...aka feelings, things guys DON'T talk about... they have feelings they just can't interpret them like we can, this I am still learning. Here is how the conversation would have gone the opposite way:
James: How was your day?
Me: Not so good.
James: What happend?
Me: Well, I said hi to this girl and work and she didn't say hi back, and all day
long she just had this major attitude with me and it made me feel so low.I don't understand what I did!
James: Uh-huh... sorry...
Me: Anyways... (converstaion continues about girl who was rude)
James: (all the while) Uh-huh, yah , uh-huh
See this is James' attempt to start a conversation and fill my need to talk about everything... but he gets more than he bargained for what he was expecting was:
James: How was your day?
Me: Sucked...
James: Why?
Me: It just did
James: Oh... sorry
*conversation ends*
That is why I say that girls and guys are so different. A girl can tell you what is wrong, why it's wrong, how it's wrong... A guy will just say "My day was crappy" and expect to get "That sucks" because that is how his buddy will answer him. Girls (including myself) have an unrealistic expectation for their male counterparts. They aren't like us, they don't think like we do, and they sure as hell don't bitch like we do. But I have always thought of feelings and opinions as being very important. So here is the compromise, I am getting over the fact that James can't tell me why everything is the way it is with him. And when I really think about it I don't want two girls in the relationship. Imagine him coming home crying because his boss yelled at him and he just felt like he was made a fool of in front of all of his co-workers.. not to say that it isn't ok for a man to cry, but not like that. I like the fact that he is masculine, he can have a bad day and just be moody, I don't really have to do a lot of consoling, and most of the time I think he likes it better that way anyhow because he doesn't really want to talk about it.
Now, for the males, You also have an unrealistic expectation when it comes to women. You think that you can ask us how our day was and we are going to react the same way that you do... wrong! Just know that if you ask, you shall receive. We are going to unload and then we are going to expect you to be good little listeners, and when we want feedback you better be on the same page and give us something... even if it is just a "I can't believe she said that..." Also, you have to understand that alot of times we don't mean what we say. Women have a bad habit of "testing" their men. "Oh don't get me anything for my birthday..." when we say that this is what we mean, "If you don't get me something then you are going to be getting nothing for the next month (and you know what I mean)." or when we are crying and upset and we say, "Leave me alone" what we mean is "I am mad, I want you to stay, but I am too stubborn to admit it.." Yah it is messed up and confusing, what is wrong with women, just say what you mean... We don't though, we are seeing if you can tell how we really feel, or if you care enough to get a birthday present when we say don't, or if we say to go but you choose to stay, it just proves that you aren't going anywhere, even when we are being irrational and crazy... It is alot to ask, but you have to comply. And don't even start to think that all women aren't like this... deep down we all have the crazies, it just varies on how much and what kind. This is your compromise.
In the end, even though it seems like to beings made so differently shouldn't mesh together we do. We have to see all the good, and realize that it far outweighs the bad. I love a man to hold and support me, and to be there for me. I love the play-fights we have, I love the debates, I love the way you make fun of me when I am being difficult and make my voice sound like that of the wicked witch of the west, whereas I make you sound like a caveman... it makes me laugh! I hope that you love the way I love to take care of you, my feminine touch, and yes, the fact that I have some form of a brain and even though it drives you crazy that I have an opinion and I want to share it with you. This is my relationship (not everything, just a few small details) and this is love. I wouldn't want it any other way.
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