Getting closer and closer..

And of course I think you all know what I am talking about. My eyesight is getting worse, my belly is growing, and I am grumpier and grumpier all of the time. I have no patience for anything anymore and I don't mind showing it. Everyone forgives the angry pregnant lady right? Moving on though, I am getting really anxious and excited about the baby coming. The more and more little Liam is kicking and moving around the more and more I realize that "OMG I am going to be a mommy!" I can't wait either. I am sure that my tune will change a little bit when he comes, I might want him to go back in. I am just hoping that he is a good little baby who likes to sleep alot like his mommy and daddy did (James and I were and still are very good sleepers). I can't wait to see what he looks like too. I am going to get another sonogram at 34 weeks and it will be in 3-D, and I will get a dvd! YAY! I didn't have that at my old doctors office, they couldn't make a tape or DVD or anything. Well, I don't have a whole lot more to say than this. Kinda a pointless blog but truth be told there are just too many feelings to list and it is really hard to describe what you are going through when you are about to be a new parent.

Guys and Girls... we really are from different planets

Recently, I have been thinking about how much men and women are polar opposites. I wonder how anyone makes a successful relationship when the differences between the two sexes are so extreme. Using the word "make" was completely intentional, a loving relationship does not just happen. You have to work really hard and sometimes things that are of upmost importance to you HAVE to be compromised. Like, I am very much a girl when it comes to emotions. Highly sensitive and very intune, whereas James is very much a guy... just the opposite. Here is an example of a typical conversation between the both of us:

Me: How was your day?
James: Not so good.
Me: What happend?
James: Nothing...
Me: Well something must have happend to make it a bad day.
James: I just had a bad day why do you have to question everything?!?
Me: I am just trying to talk to you.
James: I just really hate this guy at work, he is an ass.
Me: I'm sorry. What did he do to you?
James: He is just a douche...
Me: Why?
James: OMG HE JUST IS...WHY ARE YOU INTERROGATING ME?
Me: *sobs*
James: *sighs*

Ok. So here you see the female in me prying for hows and whys...aka feelings, things guys DON'T talk about... they have feelings they just can't interpret them like we can, this I am still learning. Here is how the conversation would have gone the opposite way:

James: How was your day?
Me: Not so good.
James: What happend?
Me: Well, I said hi to this girl and work and she didn't say hi back, and all day
long she just had this major attitude with me and it made me feel so low.I don't understand what I did!
James: Uh-huh... sorry...
Me: Anyways... (converstaion continues about girl who was rude)
James: (all the while) Uh-huh, yah , uh-huh

See this is James' attempt to start a conversation and fill my need to talk about everything... but he gets more than he bargained for what he was expecting was:

James: How was your day?
Me: Sucked...
James: Why?
Me: It just did
James: Oh... sorry
*conversation ends*

That is why I say that girls and guys are so different. A girl can tell you what is wrong, why it's wrong, how it's wrong... A guy will just say "My day was crappy" and expect to get "That sucks" because that is how his buddy will answer him. Girls (including myself) have an unrealistic expectation for their male counterparts. They aren't like us, they don't think like we do, and they sure as hell don't bitch like we do. But I have always thought of feelings and opinions as being very important. So here is the compromise, I am getting over the fact that James can't tell me why everything is the way it is with him. And when I really think about it I don't want two girls in the relationship. Imagine him coming home crying because his boss yelled at him and he just felt like he was made a fool of in front of all of his co-workers.. not to say that it isn't ok for a man to cry, but not like that. I like the fact that he is masculine, he can have a bad day and just be moody, I don't really have to do a lot of consoling, and most of the time I think he likes it better that way anyhow because he doesn't really want to talk about it.

Now, for the males, You also have an unrealistic expectation when it comes to women. You think that you can ask us how our day was and we are going to react the same way that you do... wrong! Just know that if you ask, you shall receive. We are going to unload and then we are going to expect you to be good little listeners, and when we want feedback you better be on the same page and give us something... even if it is just a "I can't believe she said that..." Also, you have to understand that alot of times we don't mean what we say. Women have a bad habit of "testing" their men. "Oh don't get me anything for my birthday..." when we say that this is what we mean, "If you don't get me something then you are going to be getting nothing for the next month (and you know what I mean)." or when we are crying and upset and we say, "Leave me alone" what we mean is "I am mad, I want you to stay, but I am too stubborn to admit it.." Yah it is messed up and confusing, what is wrong with women, just say what you mean... We don't though, we are seeing if you can tell how we really feel, or if you care enough to get a birthday present when we say don't, or if we say to go but you choose to stay, it just proves that you aren't going anywhere, even when we are being irrational and crazy... It is alot to ask, but you have to comply. And don't even start to think that all women aren't like this... deep down we all have the crazies, it just varies on how much and what kind. This is your compromise.

In the end, even though it seems like to beings made so differently shouldn't mesh together we do. We have to see all the good, and realize that it far outweighs the bad. I love a man to hold and support me, and to be there for me. I love the play-fights we have, I love the debates, I love the way you make fun of me when I am being difficult and make my voice sound like that of the wicked witch of the west, whereas I make you sound like a caveman... it makes me laugh! I hope that you love the way I love to take care of you, my feminine touch, and yes, the fact that I have some form of a brain and even though it drives you crazy that I have an opinion and I want to share it with you. This is my relationship (not everything, just a few small details) and this is love. I wouldn't want it any other way.

The Age old question...

Why are women so crazy? It is like we have this huge insecurity with ourselves and it makes it really hard to just relax and enjoy life... We are especially dramatic when we are young, or at least that is what I am going to chalk it up to considering the fact that I think I am crazy. James is out with his friend Danny... if you knew Danny then I wouldn't even have to explain, but since I know the only people who read this blog don't know Danny here we go... Danny has a girlfriend, Danny doesn't care that he has a girlfriend, if something better came along then Danny would drop that girlfriend faster than hot iron. Danny and James are at a pool hall. I know that James goes there to hang out with his friends, but I also know that when guys get around their friends they don't act the same as when they are around their girlfriends, as a matter of fact, sorry guys, most of you turn into downright assholes. I know that lots of girls hang out at this particular pool hall, and they aren't the nasty kind that you would expect to see there, most of them are cute college girls... should I be worried NO, but there is that crazy thing that I was talking about. When someone is gone for a long enough period of time and you are sitting at home alone then your mind starts to wonder and I start to think, "I wonder what he is doing? I wonder when he'll be home? Doesn't he want to see me?" The longer and longer that the clock ticks away at you the more and more you start to think things that you shouldn't. Not to say that I don't trust James, I do. I am talking more about the "What if something happend to him?" scenario, and Ok so I do wonder who he is hanging out with too. He can lie all he wants and tell me that it was just him and Danny but like I said if you knew Danny then you would know that when you hang out with him you are pretty much hanging out with 10 other people that you dont' know.

I guess that I just don't get it. I feel like I sit my ass at home, every night, and I don't think that that's fair that I am doing this alone. I feel like James doesn't really understand how hard it is to grow a little person, especially when you feel like your other half is not with you 100%. I know that James cares about me and the baby, he has told me time and time again, and he shows me that he loves us, but I feel like it is only some of the time, not all of the time. Every decision that I make is so that I can make life better for my baby and my family. I don't go to parties, I don't go to bars, I quit smoking, I save money, I take my lunch to work everyday... I know I know... woe is me I need to stop bitching! The whole point is, I want to see that coming from James too. He still has not grown up yet. I grew up the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have someone else to be responsible for now and it is my job to take care of that person... I guess that guys feel like this is the last 9 months that they can goof off and then when the baby comes they show a little more responsibility. I don't think that is fair! What if something was to happen to James, like say he is leaving the bar the same time that a person who has had one too many is leaving, that person crashes into him and he dies... where does that leave me and the baby. I told him that he DOES NOT have the right to die anymore.

I guess alot of this is stress stemming from the fact that my Grandaddy has just found out that he has colon cancer. It am not so upset because he is not well, of course I am upset he is the only grandfather that I have ever had, what I mean is it is just really hard to watch my family fall apart. Everyone is already planning his funeral and walking around depressed like he is dead, HE ISN'T! That is what I told my mom, it is okay to be upset, but don't start to think the worst when we are just getting started with his treatment. I think if I was not well, I certainly wouldn't want everyone crying all the time wondering how many days I had left. I just wish that it wasn't my Grandddy, it is like watching the roots being torn away from a great family tree and seeing the mighty thing die. I know that we will make it through this Better or worse. I hope that one day, I will make a family as great as the one that I have now, and that I will be able to do as much for it as my Grandaddy has done for all of us. I don't know a better man, and I don't think that I ever will.