Blog Closed

I am going to stop this blog and begin posting on my new blog. Since I already had the baby the title, "She's having a baby" really doesn't fit anymore. I am really excited to start my new blog!

I miss having a face... another one of those days,

I hate looking in the mirror and hating what I see. I swore that I would never be one of those pregnant ladies who just let themselves go... and here I am, I have let myself go. I was going to eat right and just resist temptation, and I was only going to gain 20 pounds... 30 at the most. Well now I have gained twice that amount. I remember complaining sooo much before about how fat I was, and how unattractive I was, now I can't wait for the baby to get here that way I can get back into my old jeans and look normal again. I know that it isn't going to be easy, but I am really determined. I know what you are thinking , "Why don't you stop eating cheeseburgers now if you are so determined?" The answer to that is, that I don't care right now. I am going to get fat anyways so I am going to enjoy it! Not to mention I am pregnant.. I feel like crap... eating is one of the few pleasures left in life and I am not going to take that away from me and baby! He loves the cheeseburgers too. I have also acquired a new friend or friends I should say, stretch marks. UGhhh, I was not supposed to get them.. my mom didn't have them, my grandma didn't have them... so why do I have them??? Stupid ugly stretch marks :'(

I also have acne like never before, I don't think that my skin has ever looked this bad, and acne isn't the right word, it is like a rash all around my mouth and nose, dry, red, itchy skin! I can't get it to go away no matter what I use. I am hoping that it is just hormonal... it will go away... please God let it go away. My hair is not long and shiny and pretty, it is like frizzy straw and doesn't cooperate with me at all. I am pale, my nails aren't growing... DID I GET ANY OF THE PERKS OF BEING PREGNANT! I don't think so. I think I got everything. I am just waiting for the hemmoroids (sp?).

As much as I am whining trust me, I am still excited about the baby. 30 weeks down and 12 more to go... they are going to fly.

Getting closer and closer..

And of course I think you all know what I am talking about. My eyesight is getting worse, my belly is growing, and I am grumpier and grumpier all of the time. I have no patience for anything anymore and I don't mind showing it. Everyone forgives the angry pregnant lady right? Moving on though, I am getting really anxious and excited about the baby coming. The more and more little Liam is kicking and moving around the more and more I realize that "OMG I am going to be a mommy!" I can't wait either. I am sure that my tune will change a little bit when he comes, I might want him to go back in. I am just hoping that he is a good little baby who likes to sleep alot like his mommy and daddy did (James and I were and still are very good sleepers). I can't wait to see what he looks like too. I am going to get another sonogram at 34 weeks and it will be in 3-D, and I will get a dvd! YAY! I didn't have that at my old doctors office, they couldn't make a tape or DVD or anything. Well, I don't have a whole lot more to say than this. Kinda a pointless blog but truth be told there are just too many feelings to list and it is really hard to describe what you are going through when you are about to be a new parent.

Guys and Girls... we really are from different planets

Recently, I have been thinking about how much men and women are polar opposites. I wonder how anyone makes a successful relationship when the differences between the two sexes are so extreme. Using the word "make" was completely intentional, a loving relationship does not just happen. You have to work really hard and sometimes things that are of upmost importance to you HAVE to be compromised. Like, I am very much a girl when it comes to emotions. Highly sensitive and very intune, whereas James is very much a guy... just the opposite. Here is an example of a typical conversation between the both of us:

Me: How was your day?
James: Not so good.
Me: What happend?
James: Nothing...
Me: Well something must have happend to make it a bad day.
James: I just had a bad day why do you have to question everything?!?
Me: I am just trying to talk to you.
James: I just really hate this guy at work, he is an ass.
Me: I'm sorry. What did he do to you?
James: He is just a douche...
Me: Why?
James: OMG HE JUST IS...WHY ARE YOU INTERROGATING ME?
Me: *sobs*
James: *sighs*

Ok. So here you see the female in me prying for hows and whys...aka feelings, things guys DON'T talk about... they have feelings they just can't interpret them like we can, this I am still learning. Here is how the conversation would have gone the opposite way:

James: How was your day?
Me: Not so good.
James: What happend?
Me: Well, I said hi to this girl and work and she didn't say hi back, and all day
long she just had this major attitude with me and it made me feel so low.I don't understand what I did!
James: Uh-huh... sorry...
Me: Anyways... (converstaion continues about girl who was rude)
James: (all the while) Uh-huh, yah , uh-huh

See this is James' attempt to start a conversation and fill my need to talk about everything... but he gets more than he bargained for what he was expecting was:

James: How was your day?
Me: Sucked...
James: Why?
Me: It just did
James: Oh... sorry
*conversation ends*

That is why I say that girls and guys are so different. A girl can tell you what is wrong, why it's wrong, how it's wrong... A guy will just say "My day was crappy" and expect to get "That sucks" because that is how his buddy will answer him. Girls (including myself) have an unrealistic expectation for their male counterparts. They aren't like us, they don't think like we do, and they sure as hell don't bitch like we do. But I have always thought of feelings and opinions as being very important. So here is the compromise, I am getting over the fact that James can't tell me why everything is the way it is with him. And when I really think about it I don't want two girls in the relationship. Imagine him coming home crying because his boss yelled at him and he just felt like he was made a fool of in front of all of his co-workers.. not to say that it isn't ok for a man to cry, but not like that. I like the fact that he is masculine, he can have a bad day and just be moody, I don't really have to do a lot of consoling, and most of the time I think he likes it better that way anyhow because he doesn't really want to talk about it.

Now, for the males, You also have an unrealistic expectation when it comes to women. You think that you can ask us how our day was and we are going to react the same way that you do... wrong! Just know that if you ask, you shall receive. We are going to unload and then we are going to expect you to be good little listeners, and when we want feedback you better be on the same page and give us something... even if it is just a "I can't believe she said that..." Also, you have to understand that alot of times we don't mean what we say. Women have a bad habit of "testing" their men. "Oh don't get me anything for my birthday..." when we say that this is what we mean, "If you don't get me something then you are going to be getting nothing for the next month (and you know what I mean)." or when we are crying and upset and we say, "Leave me alone" what we mean is "I am mad, I want you to stay, but I am too stubborn to admit it.." Yah it is messed up and confusing, what is wrong with women, just say what you mean... We don't though, we are seeing if you can tell how we really feel, or if you care enough to get a birthday present when we say don't, or if we say to go but you choose to stay, it just proves that you aren't going anywhere, even when we are being irrational and crazy... It is alot to ask, but you have to comply. And don't even start to think that all women aren't like this... deep down we all have the crazies, it just varies on how much and what kind. This is your compromise.

In the end, even though it seems like to beings made so differently shouldn't mesh together we do. We have to see all the good, and realize that it far outweighs the bad. I love a man to hold and support me, and to be there for me. I love the play-fights we have, I love the debates, I love the way you make fun of me when I am being difficult and make my voice sound like that of the wicked witch of the west, whereas I make you sound like a caveman... it makes me laugh! I hope that you love the way I love to take care of you, my feminine touch, and yes, the fact that I have some form of a brain and even though it drives you crazy that I have an opinion and I want to share it with you. This is my relationship (not everything, just a few small details) and this is love. I wouldn't want it any other way.

The Age old question...

Why are women so crazy? It is like we have this huge insecurity with ourselves and it makes it really hard to just relax and enjoy life... We are especially dramatic when we are young, or at least that is what I am going to chalk it up to considering the fact that I think I am crazy. James is out with his friend Danny... if you knew Danny then I wouldn't even have to explain, but since I know the only people who read this blog don't know Danny here we go... Danny has a girlfriend, Danny doesn't care that he has a girlfriend, if something better came along then Danny would drop that girlfriend faster than hot iron. Danny and James are at a pool hall. I know that James goes there to hang out with his friends, but I also know that when guys get around their friends they don't act the same as when they are around their girlfriends, as a matter of fact, sorry guys, most of you turn into downright assholes. I know that lots of girls hang out at this particular pool hall, and they aren't the nasty kind that you would expect to see there, most of them are cute college girls... should I be worried NO, but there is that crazy thing that I was talking about. When someone is gone for a long enough period of time and you are sitting at home alone then your mind starts to wonder and I start to think, "I wonder what he is doing? I wonder when he'll be home? Doesn't he want to see me?" The longer and longer that the clock ticks away at you the more and more you start to think things that you shouldn't. Not to say that I don't trust James, I do. I am talking more about the "What if something happend to him?" scenario, and Ok so I do wonder who he is hanging out with too. He can lie all he wants and tell me that it was just him and Danny but like I said if you knew Danny then you would know that when you hang out with him you are pretty much hanging out with 10 other people that you dont' know.

I guess that I just don't get it. I feel like I sit my ass at home, every night, and I don't think that that's fair that I am doing this alone. I feel like James doesn't really understand how hard it is to grow a little person, especially when you feel like your other half is not with you 100%. I know that James cares about me and the baby, he has told me time and time again, and he shows me that he loves us, but I feel like it is only some of the time, not all of the time. Every decision that I make is so that I can make life better for my baby and my family. I don't go to parties, I don't go to bars, I quit smoking, I save money, I take my lunch to work everyday... I know I know... woe is me I need to stop bitching! The whole point is, I want to see that coming from James too. He still has not grown up yet. I grew up the moment I found out I was pregnant, I have someone else to be responsible for now and it is my job to take care of that person... I guess that guys feel like this is the last 9 months that they can goof off and then when the baby comes they show a little more responsibility. I don't think that is fair! What if something was to happen to James, like say he is leaving the bar the same time that a person who has had one too many is leaving, that person crashes into him and he dies... where does that leave me and the baby. I told him that he DOES NOT have the right to die anymore.

I guess alot of this is stress stemming from the fact that my Grandaddy has just found out that he has colon cancer. It am not so upset because he is not well, of course I am upset he is the only grandfather that I have ever had, what I mean is it is just really hard to watch my family fall apart. Everyone is already planning his funeral and walking around depressed like he is dead, HE ISN'T! That is what I told my mom, it is okay to be upset, but don't start to think the worst when we are just getting started with his treatment. I think if I was not well, I certainly wouldn't want everyone crying all the time wondering how many days I had left. I just wish that it wasn't my Grandddy, it is like watching the roots being torn away from a great family tree and seeing the mighty thing die. I know that we will make it through this Better or worse. I hope that one day, I will make a family as great as the one that I have now, and that I will be able to do as much for it as my Grandaddy has done for all of us. I don't know a better man, and I don't think that I ever will.

Another one of those things that I can't stand....

Today I got an e-mail and it went something like this:


Death is certain but the Bible speaks about untimely death!

Make a personal reflection about this....

Very interesting, read un til the end.....
It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7):



"Be not deceived; God is not mocked:
for whatsoever a man soweth,
that shall he also reap.



Here are some men and women
who mocked God :



John Lennon (Singer):

Some years before, during his interview with an American Magazine, he
said:

"Christianity will end, it will disappear.
I do not have to argue about
that. I am certain.

Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple, Today we are more famous
than Him" (1966).

Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus
Christ,
was shot six times.



Tancredo Neves (President of Brazil ):
During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500,000 votes from
his
party, not even God would remove him from Presidency.

Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made
President,
then he died.




Cazuza (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet):



During A show in Canecio (Rio de Janeiro ),

while smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and
said:
"God, that's for you."

He died at the age of 32 of AIDS in a horrible manner.



The man who built the Titanic

After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the
Titanic
would be.

With an ironic tone he said:
"Not even God can sink it"

The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic .



Marilyn Monroe (Actress)

She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show.
He said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her.
After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said:
"I don't need your Jesus"

A week later, she was found dead in her apartment .

Bon Scott (Singer)
The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang:
"Don't stop me, I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell".

On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been
choked
by his own vomit.

Campinas (IN 2005)
In Campinas, Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a
friend.....

The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the
drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter holding her
hand,
who was already seated in the car:

"My Daughter, Go With God And May He Protect You.."
She responded: "Only If He (God) Travels In The Trunk, Cause Inside
Here.....It's Already Full "

Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal
accident,
everyone had died,
the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but
surprisingly, the trunk was intact.

The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained intact.
To
their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none was broken .

Christine Hewitt (Jamaican Journalist and entertainer) said the Bible
(Word
of God) was the worst book ever written.

In June 2006 she was found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle
.

Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other name
that
was given so much authority as the name of Jesus.

Many have died, but only Jesus died and rose again, and he is still
alive .

"Jesus"

It makes me so mad when I get stuff like this. Personally it makes me think that the whole Christian religion is one giant contradiction. They preach that God is loving and forgiving... and then send shit like this making God look like a vengeful tyrant asshole. I don't think that God would sink the Titanic and kill all of the innocent people on board because of what one douche said. Not to mention people like Frederick Nietzche (sp?) said things like "Christianity is an immortal blemish on all of mankind" and he lived a long life... even if he did have a mental breakdown. People just pick and choose who they want to exploit for their beliefs (and I love that all of these people were ,of course, bi-sexual, drug abusers, or dirty politicians) and don't look at the whole picture... You know Hitler was a christian, Mel Gibson is a "christian", and all of those conquistadors and knights on crusades killed thousands of innocent people in the name of God, but you don't see me sending a freakin' e-mail saying that God kills. It makes me mad, I don't judge you for loving God, don't judge me if I think "God is Dead."

Myself... I am not ruling out the possibility of a God, but I think that today's religion is just a form of control. I think that is there was a God and he loved his children as much as everyone said that he did, he wouldn't make a place like Hell, people in power make places like Hell as a way to keep everyone living in fear. I don't think that it is right to believe in something only because you are afraid of the consequences for not believing, I have a feeling that that is what most Christians are... Only say a prayer when they want something, and only go to church so that they can look good and be socially acceptable, but they are falling asleep in the pew, dreaming about which IHOP they are going to go to after the preacher stops blabbing about loving your neighbor and all that crap (their thoughts not mine... I don't thinking loving your neighbor is crap). I am not saying that all christain people are like this. I know many honest to goodness christians who practice what they preach and really do love God... I just know more of the other kind. I think that unfortunately we all do!

My Poor, sore belly

At work again, and feeling mighty crappy at that. The baby has been kicking sooo much that now it actually hurts. I can't complain though, I want him to kick that way I know everything is ok. I am already figuring out his sleep patterns... Sleep early in the morning, kick on and off all night, awake at around 9-10 am, sleeps all during lunch, wakes up in the late afternoon (but sleeps in car)... sleeps through dinner... wakes up during 8-9 p.m. sleeps a little, and then wakes up again on and off all night. I know that will not be his exact pattern when he gets here, but I am mighty proud that my little man already organizes his sleepy times IN THE WOMB (and he really does... I am not making it up...). He is also a fabulous dancer. I saw it in the ultrasound from 8 weeks.. to 16 weeks... to 23 weeks... He loves to jump around, he likes the more Coldplay, Keane sounding music. He is also a fan of Augustana. I think he just likes whatever sounds nice. He would probably start kicking if I put on the Wiggles or Barney too. I am going to get into letting him listen to Classical Music. I am hoping that he will be artistic, whereas I think that James is hoping for the next Tom Brady (what Dad doesn't hope for the next Tom Brady). If he is like most of the boys in my family, he will have that creative gene. Uncle Matthew plays piano, Grandaddy writes poetry, Papa John plays the guitar and sings. If he gets the Howard genes, he will be that little All Star.. James' side is all about football, soccer, little league, and boyscouts. I think that if he has a nice mix of both that would be perfect. NO FOOTBALL, however... it is too dangerous. Like I said though, whatever he chooses to do, I can't wait to be front and center watching. Ok, enough of my mommy babble which no one really wants to read or hear anyways.